bancuri-cu-număr™

Хохол сьезлил по турпутевке в Испанию, рассказывает про корриду:
“Ну, арена така вся гарна, на трыбунах - испански чоловикы - вси таки гарни, спокийни, испанские жинки - гарни, спокийни, выпустили быка на арену - вэлыкый такый бык, спокийный, тореадор вышел - гарный, спокийный. . .
И тут тореадор достал комуняцькый флаг! И все как с ума посходили! ! ! ”

1. People have a quizzical look on their face when you tell them where you are from
2. You usually have to explain where/what your country is
3. You have/had carpets on your walls
4. You make Olivie salad for New Year’s/Christmas
5. You or someone in your family celebrates Christmas on Jan 7th and New Year’s on Jan 14th
6. You reuse plastic bags as trash bags
7. You have, or are striving to get, several passports
8. You’re 20 and unmarried and your mom thinks that you are getting old
9. You’ve observed the ritual of  kidnapping  the bride and selling  her back to the groom at a wedding ceremony
10. You’ve attended a wedding where all the guests take turns in announcing what they give to the young family as a gift
11. You use Romanian words with Russian endings and the other way around. Also, you freely mix Russian and Romanian when you speak (i.e. Ian uitate shi sumka prikolinaia)
12. Bad language with references to someone’s mother is something fairly common
13. You enjoy bargaining
14. You think that drinking a glass of red wine every day makes you get more blood.  Alternatively, it serves as good protection against radiation.
15. You’ve been reproached for being disrespectful when you refused to drink alcohol at someone’s house (even though you had a whole pitcher of wine prior to that and can barely walk)
16. You have witnessed gatherings where everyone drinks from the same glass by taking turns
17. Taking shots of wine is normal
18. You use the term  Fanta  as a name for plastic bottles AND you reuse your Fanta bottles (i.e. for wine)
19. You’ve seen your 5 year old sibling drinking alcohol at the dinner table on several occasions
20. You, or your parents, scream when talking on the phone with someone far away
21. You have a drink (or several)  la botul calului  when you leave someone’s house
22. Have a significant number of acquaintances who work abroad illegally
23. When you get married, you have a bunch of young men at your wedding whose main job is to whistle very loudly (i.e. vornicei)
24. Your grandmother keeps calling and asking what color you want your wedding present (i.e. sheets and blankets) to be. She neglects the fact that you are only 18 and told her, on numerous occasions, that you will not be getting married anytime soon
25. You study abroad and always have the highest grades and explain it through Chernobyl’s positive influence on your brain. If you get low grades, you blame Chernobyl.
26. Rasarita prajita (sunflower seeds) is a perfectly acceptable dinner and helps bond with your female relatives.
27. Your foreign friends all know Zdob si Zdub because you keep playing it when you feel homesick.
28. You have heard of Ion Bria
29. In a 12-seat maxi taxi (marshrutka) twice as many people manage to find a place (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUJOIWbtxgo)
30. You reuse gift wraps
31. At the train station in Chisinau you saw written “La casa informatie nu se poate” (At the cash register information cannot ..)
32. Your mom never throws away anything. If you manage to sneak something in the garbage your mom takes it from there and puts it wherever it was before
33. You are all dressed in fancy clothes and high heels but you use cheap public transportation (troleibuz)
34. You have a 400-euro cell phone but no credit so you  beep  somebody
35. When you go out in a club or fancy cafe, you display all your keys and always play with them noisily
36. You wear sunglasses in a disco.
37. You always dress up even if you are just going grocery shopping
38. People still call you Russian after you already told them you are from Moldova
39. Once they find out that you are Moldovan, people from other ex-Soviet countries immediately start speaking to you in Russian
40. When someone asks you how you are (ce mai faci) you give an honest answer instead saying you re doing well (bine)
41. You greatly enjoy eating various pickled vegetables (i.e. castraveti shi patlagele murate) with several of your meals

COMPETITIVE SALARY
Most of our competitors don’t pay much either.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”
We have no time to train you.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be comfortable.

“MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED”
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
Did we mention that you’ll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

“DUTIES WILL VARY”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED”
Female applicants must be childless.

“APPLY IN PERSON”
If you’re old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive’s nephew.

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
Due to consolidation, you’ll be replacing three people.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
This company is a total mess.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
You’ll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don’t ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

“Ем сыр с плесенью, вино пью старое, на машине езжу без крыши. Кризис, что еще сказать…”

Un tip isi baga capul pe usa frizeriei si il intreaba pe frizer cat timp are pana poate sa fie si el tuns, fiind o zi foarte aglomerata, frizerul se uita in jur si raspunde:
- Cam doua ore si tipul pleaca instant.
Peste cateva zile acelasi tip intra in frizerie si intreaba cat are pana poate sa fie tuns, fiind o zi si mai aglomerata frizerul se uita in jur si raspunde:”
- Cam trei ore.
Tipul inchide usa si pleaca. Peste cateva zile acelasi intra in frizerie si intreaba cam in cat timp poate fi tuns, frizerul se uita in jur si raspunde:
- Cam o ora jumatate tipul se intoarce si iese din frizerie.
Frizerul, deja curios, il roaga pe Ion:
- Bai Ioane dute un pic dupa el ca vine de ceva timp si tot intreaba cat timp are pana sa fie tuns dar nu se intoarce niciodata Ion pleaca in urma tipului.
In jumatate de ora Ion intra in frizerie razand in hohote. Frizerul il intreaba:
- Ei, si unde se duce tipul asta dupa ce pleaca de aici?
Ion in genunchi de ras, cu lacrimi in ochi, rosu la fata se uita la frizer si ii raspunde:
“LA NEVASTA-TA ACASA!!!”